this weekend

So, here is the place. I'm watching over my dog, watching over my parents house, in this same old chair, this same old screen glowing in the back room. One bottle of Gentleman Jack, one bottle of old vine zinfandel. Discography of Counting Crows on the speakers. In a few hours, I will walk to WaWa for cigarettes. It's such a lonely house now, full of artifacts that you find only if you search through the drawers. Shadow is sick, old, cant walk more than a few feet; i've been holding my hand in front of his nose to make sure he's still breathing. It's strange to find out you're the same person in every different setting you place yourself in, that in fact you've always been the same person, just at different points. I'm supposed to stay here until saturday. I left the dog out in the cold today for too long; i didn't mean to, i just had some pictures of blind old people in love to sift through. And that's not a metaphor - they really were blind. Maybe there is still a metaphor in there. This woman was talking about learning about love - some kind of magic word that has solved some sort of problems, somewhere. How this one old man who has been through a hell of life doesn't say it to his 'new' girlfriend, how it's such a shame, how she should leave her. Paul Simon said "some people never say those words 'I love you', but like a child, they're longing to be told." This woman talks and I eat my breakfast (a strawberry crepe), look on, knowingly nod only in my head. There are some things you can say are certain, then place in a box with the label 'yes', and never have to open again. If you dont have it right in front of you, then it stays the same as you want it to be, as good as you can imagine, just stay away. That must have been the love that infected me. I can't believe it anymore, i know all of these questions have to rock all faith and feelings for anything to stand in the aftermath. I don't oversee any of the tests.
So, I keep all of these old calendars, and they tell me everything I may have done
but all i can remember is writing it down on here
we went on our last great adventure, you falling all over the backseat
making too much noise in my new home
i had told you you had a free year subscription to free laundry in my baskets
but it's since been expired
Silver buildings, blue bathrooms, cold volcanoes
what have we done since
since you told me 'thank you for the new hope.'
sorry, i didnt mean to confuse you with my dog
i've been waiting to see you on some screen, somewhere where you might be alive
not like the last time i had some grace to hold your body.
.........anyway. my dog is old. I feel irritated and uneasy around here. I have to go to a wedding tomorrow. And hold my hands behind my back. Come to my party. I will (most likely) be there. My brother's watch is far too big for my wrist. I dont think i can sleep well in my parents bed.