everyday is still important

It’s been a real struggle to feel any one way for more than a minute. If I don’t keep track of all the things that have been, if I’m left with only what I can recall more than once per day, where am I now? It doesn’t feel right to not be able to remember everything that happened yesterday. I don’t want my mind to let go of all the details we deemed unnecessary to the big picture, I want there to be space for every word ever spoken, I want to be able to picture the curves of your body without the help of photographs I know too well. I wish I could be that strong. I’ve always been hungry for control, I’ve always worn two faces; one that speaks to itself, one that gives the appearance of speaking.
Life is what it is, not what it was.
This is hard with beer, too much of the drinking, not enough of the drunk.
Real love is like lightning – it only strikes the very unlucky twice. Each one is different, in-comparable to the rest. It’s the trying that will lead you to the corner at nite, new cigarettes burning your cold-turkey lungs, peering in the windows for her unfamiliar face, never asking, always dizzy in old city. I believe in what I have now, I don’t know what I’m supposed to call it anymore. For once, I don’t feel lonely. I only hope I’m not just enjoying what it’s like to truly be loved for the first time, and not doing the same in return. Sometimes i'm damn sure that people are dead, so afraid her death would lead me down a road I wouldn’t leave bread crumbs to return from. What is the name of the attitude that expects the worse?

This is the 7 and 10 split, and I could never collect both, maybe won’t have to miss down the middle. Old lucky seven showed her claws to me, disappeared in the smallest city I know. Number 10 with 10 in tow, each count tastes like poison every time I care to remember, but every in between the sweetest thing. What do you do to forget all the lips you’ve touched with yours, maybe you could advise me in this neglect of those we thought to love.

The latest question is this - is there anything you wish you had never learned, something you would be better off never having seen? And if, inevitably, there is - well, do you really wish that?