we are still here

update......... i havent used this blog in one thousand years. i do not own a computer of my own, and when i get access to one, i can only think of so many things to do with it, and watching apple jacks animations, tv shows, bbc news, naked ladies, and being a pirate all come before blog. so it is i have come to be here only now.
anyway.
it is december. i still live here, where i do. I have some new roommates. the winter is cold in a warehouse. christmas is coming very soon.
we were driving, and i was remembering where you live, and how i could have lived there too; but now we were driving, and you were sleeping inside your house, and i knew you were there, even though we didn't stop to make sure it was true. And I thought of how many things I know that are true, and how some thoughts can be revelations even when they are old and used out, and I wished i could remember these things all the time so i could build past them and be amazed at something less common. But I always forget how many people there really are, and how they are moving, and doing so many things, inventing and understanding. Making connections and crushing and being crushed. And I thought if i could always keep the thought in my mind of equality amongst us all that i would start to do things differently, to treat someone better, to say different things. But I forgot again, and I was still myself, and it took one thousand houses flying by a window to remind me that it was so. And it seemed like nothing changes, and that the moments of clarity were few and far between, and that maybe even the times where i thought i was so close to seeing the biggest picture i was still so far away. And maybe as i go on, i find more and more that i dont get what i want, but only a clearer understanding of what that is in the first place. And like the bird freed from his cage who returns to it so that he still may have something to wish for*, i go along, hoping i could remember and reach an end, knowing that there never was one to start with.

(*Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Champions)

I just finished my first ayn rand book, anthem. it was short, and easy, and great. im also reading gabriel garcia marquez's one hundred years of solitude. it has wonderful moments. I am thinking i need to start to exercise maybe. and get my ass back on the drawing/painting/creating something, for God's sake..... board.