painting season

someday i'll have photo editing software againa so the pictures i take dont look really poor, but until that day....

a mess

heres that painting, as it appears right now in the hall

what a lazy guy

I bought a new book! It's called Either/Or by Soren Kierkegaard. I know what you're thinking, and you're right. I'll talk about that in a minute, Here's some notes from the last 24 hours.

I will have these nights, moments really, where i can, for just this second, be sure of how i feel. Where there are no questions, no second thoughts, this love is pure and eternal and overflowing out of somewhere in me. On such a night i am always inclined to write it down, to document that "tonight, i was in love - let it be known. If i die tonight, you will all know who to tell that i was thinking of them, that I did, actually, love them." This is my best attempt at a static emotion. One moment. Single nights of assurance amongst a sea of doubt. Always when I'm alone, always with music, always with this fear of an unfulfilled legacy that needs to be appreciated by the rest of the world. This is always supplemented with all of the different ways I could die immediately afterwards.

i have a hard time knowing what to ask people when i meet them for the first time anymore, which is more or less frequent. What could I find out about you that I really want to know and would care about? What should I know, and what will you be able to construct a conversation out of? I have no idea. This is my only chance after all. I frequently say nothing in an attempt to get to know who you are better

dont ever let someone (esp. yourself) make you think you don't deserve the things you want

Most discussions always end in a grey area, an either/or - you should be somewhere in the middle... are we so void of passions, is there anything proven we can take a stand on? Abortion? Well, yes, for some, but no for others. Creation? Well, maybe, but probably with some evolution mixed in with it. Is the world a great big compromise? We don't have any answers. Does it take courage or maybe foolishness
Is there time to consider everything all at once or any one thing for long enough to really understand it

so, yes, this book. I made a painting of a brain connected to a dick that is fucking it from behind...

"pleasure dissappoints; possibility does not

To a knowledge of the truth, I perhaps have come; to salvation, surely not. What shall I do? Be active in the world, people say. Should I then communicate my sorrow to the world, make one more contribution to prove how pitiable and wretched everything is, perhaps discover a new, hitherto undetected stain in human life? I could then reap the rare reward of becoming famous, just like the man who discovered the spots on Jupiter. I still prefer to remain silent

recollection is more richly satisfying than all actuality, and it has a security that no actuality possesses."

The either part of this very large volume is the esthetic, as told by a "Mr. A", who by my accounts thus far is a cynical bastard but also smart as hell. This is attractive for obvious reasons, and makes alot of sense most of the time. I wish i could post all of the quotes i highlighted so far, but i am five pints deep and really cant do it. sorry i have been away for so long, i am dissappointed with my mind as well. I bought a book by kierkegaard today, two blank canvases, and a case of beer.... i have every intention to fix this slump in the way i best know how. lots of elliott smith too. cheers folks!