some things

the first thing my assistant said to me today was ' you look like a french gentleman'.
not even 'hello'.
i said 'you better take care not to offend me so often'. He assured me he meant well by it. I am no longer exactly certain of the purpose of this blog, and i guess i never was, whether it's for artwork or ideas or being jaunty, or a lopsided combination of the 3. It's been some heavy days lately, and alot of water has fallen. I am trying very hard to not get depressed. i have reached season 5 of six feet under.
the best part was when the man said 'you people hang on to your pain like it means something, like it's worth something; well, let me tell you, it ain't worth shit.' why do we hang on to pain like it's going to help us out sometime later, or make us feel cool, or get us some sympathy from someone who otherwise would find you uninteresting? hmph. i guess sometimes we just do.

I am at work on a large square canvas, with paint chips and ocean water in the works. i started reading either/or again, as well as some weird book my mom gave me called 'the shack'. When i go to work, all i am thinking is that i should quit the next day, then after the job is over, all i am thinking is 'maybe it's okay if i keep it'. I am thinking this is a personality flaw. My dad is unhappy with Obama. I'm listening to the wall-e soundtrack, which is surprisingly making me fairly unhappy, not because it's not great, mind you. Something is wrong outside right now; a car horn keeps beeping and its 2:30am. someone else is yelling to 'shut the f up'. I sometimes think i've slept so much that I could stay up for days without getting tired. It's never turned out to be true. I have been trying hard to wake up early (ie 9-10 am) so that I can enjoy a full day. It's hard when you can hear the rain on the rooftop above. the other day dante said about our age group of people that 'we all see where we want to be and what we want to do over there; But, we're over here, and we have no idea how to get to there.' Me personally? i think id like to go on a trip.

i dont know what it is, but the fact that everyone is so excited about obama being the president and that they're all so sure that he is going to change the world and now they're proud of their country and new puppies and yada yada really makes me feel like like 'uh-oh, what's really going to happen, with all of these hopes getting up, surely he is going to usher in the apocalypse.' i hope things get better, thats why i voted, but this feeling is worth mentioning, question mark? either way, alot of people's color is showing these days, which is great. silly racists.