Is there such a thing as nothing?

some notes on the conversation i had yesterday and today (though today was with myself)

Everybody dies. It's a fact that noone would try to deny you. We all know it. No single person can escape their own death (unless you count elijah, and i susupect not many of you will). If you really think about it, consider it........ it's fucking scary as hell. I am going to die. I dont know when, or how, but i am absolutely certain, it's gonna happen. Now does this make me complacent about other people who die (like, everybody does it, big deal if you do it now or not)? Of course not, which brings me to the next point.
I am a Christian. I know, if you know me, you're like, yeah, we know, but who cares, youre not a crazy one. Well maybe that's my bad, but that's not what i'm getting at. In accordance with my beliefs, anyone who is not a christian will die, and will go to hell. forever. FOREVER. If any of my 'beliefs' were true at all, wouldn't i be running out on the street right now, grabbing people and slapping them and saying "holy shit dude, you've gotta believe this????" That might not be the best tactic anyway, but it makes me know how strong my faith is, and it always makes me want to be doing more. And that's good. My "tactic" has always been to live a good, happy life as the best evidence that my life is indeed changed by the grace of God. I realize that lately (read: last few years) I have not always been the best display of that. But ANYWAY.
To try to wrap your head around forever, whether it be heaven or hell, or just falling out of existence for all of the rest of time - to put it eloquently - What The Fuck?? I could be kept up all night every night trying to understand eternity, no matter where it is. Maybe I should for awhile. But how do we say "it's okay, i'll worry about it later." all of the time?? I know i'm going to die, and i dont know what will happen after that, at all. This should be my first and last thought every day of my life, as well as all of the ones in between. Seriously, what the fuck?
In addition - how can I tell someone I love " You know those people who you loved that are dead now, those great people who changed your life forever - that word again - those people are in hell forever, and ever." Life breaks my heart, so I sit and deny it, dont believe it, and it's convenient to live this way. It's convenient to be unsure of your beliefs because then you dont have to act on them at all. On top of it, how can I tell a devout Buddhist, or Muslim, or anyone - "you're condemned to eternal hellfire unless you believe in Jesus the way I do." ? This has been my problem for awhile now, and it's why i haven't moved in any direction, except for a few inches down into the ground.
Now, i know, we're all bad people. Everyone is not inherently good, in fact they are the opposite, and everyone, including me, deserves a hell if there is one. But that's so loaded too that I really need to think about it for a year or two. Maybe that's my problem - that I dont feel like some people deserve it. Or most people. And I know that if my God exists that He loves all these people way more than I love them, and I'm ready to let them all in to heaven right now. I know i'm not God, and I don't understand, but I want to so very much. And I know, I'm not really responsible for anyone else in the whole of history except for myself (another wild thing to consider) and i cannot know anyone else's heart, but that kind of feels like selfishness on the other end of the spectrum. I can really only look into myself to know how shitty or not shitty the human person is, and while I am not Dahmer, I can tell you that in my life, I have made a few poor choices that I would consider to be "one hundred percent wrong".
So what does it mean? I say all the time "I keep my religion because it works for me; I understand if it doesn't work for you." I cant say if what you believe is right or wrong, or maybe I should have the balls (or is it something else?) to say that every time. Is it about tact, or cowardice? And is anything going to change?
This is hard, but i'm going to try and address it - see what others have to say about it, if anyone has written anything about it, come up with some kind of pathway to a solution. I say pathway because in the end, there is no right answer. That's another thing I need to remember. I can't prove a damn thing. I cant know for sure, ever in time, if I was right or I was wrong. That's what we mean when we say "faith". I dont want a God that says "Just trust Me." and I know that I dont have one, everyone has logic and a ton of questions that we keep on asking. We're made for a reason and we all work singularly and as a group just so. I want this to be as real as possible.
Early philosophy said that there can be no nothing, because the idea of nothing is something. Then some other people said wait a minute, what?? That's as far as I've gotten in my studying of philosophy, i'll let you know what happens next. In the meantime - if you read this, and you have something to teach me, please do so. I want to start a big dialogue. I'll try not to do it for selfish reasons.